Processing is like a spring clean of the heart and mind.

Processing the thoughts and feelings, what we think and what we feel, is essential to discovering the patterns and the emotional weight we have added to our lives with a view to changing what you do not like and to enhancing what you do. Processing helps us discover and release mind shadows and mental tape loops. Mental tape loops are the ideas we hold about ourselves that go round and round in our heads which are not examined and drive us in one direction or another.

processing mental tape loopsAs we examine them by writing them down we often find they are not true or are exaggerated fears. Processing helps build and recognise self-esteem and own our personal value. Any emotion you express appropriately is an expansive emotion and any you are unwilling to express or that you do so inappropriately is contractive. So both love and anger expressed appropriately are expansive, whilst the same emotions either expressed inappropriately or which you are unable to express are contractive and therefore will have a more negative impact on you. It is essential to find appropriate ways to express our emotions. In relationships of all kinds (friendships, loving partnerships, business and casual) we have times where we feel either positive or negative emotions. The key is to find a way to express them appropriately! Let me say that again –appropriately!

Appropriate processing ensures the anger and frustration from your day does not get vented at your loved ones over an insignificant issue like a toothpaste top. This means your relationships stay healthier and the frustrations and issues from your day do not sabotage you or your relationships as much. Venting inappropriately causes toxic relationships. Spewing your anger on a person is never appropriate. Often the anger has little to do with them and their actions but is often more likely an accumulation of frustration from your day. Even if it does there are better ways to deal with it so that you are released from the debilitating effects of out of control emotions and so that you do not cause more damage. Sometimes it would be most appropriate to write what you feel in a diary or in a letter (one you do not send) to the person you are angry with. There are far more physical ways of expressing your negative emotions appropriately- hitting a punching bag to vent your anger/frustration or going for a run to clear your head.

Appropriate assessment of what we think and feel helps us to discover what we are doing wrong and find new ways to get to where we want to go. Discover what we are doing right and do more of the same. Processing our lives, looking at it with hindsight can be incredibly useful to discover the patterns that shape our actions and reactions. The foundation of our lives is the emotional pictures we hold. What we believe and the pictures we hold colour and shape what we experience.

We have all met people who are optimists or pessimists. They actually see and experience the world differently. We only see about 50% of what is actually in front of us. Partly this is our observational skill, where we just don’t see what is in front of us. Ever remember looking in a cupboard for something and not seeing it even though it is right in front of you?

What are important are the images (pictures) we hold of ourselves and the images we give ourselves. Our minds and hearts do not understand negatives – not, don’t etc – we only react to the pictures/images – i.e. don’t slam the door gives an image of a door slamming while close the door quietly gives a guide/picture of what you do want.

The big thing here is to recognise that you are the only person who can change your life. No matter who you meet or spend time with from the best to the worst, they cannot change you or your life. They may be able to inspire you to make the choices necessary to bring about changes in you or your life or depress you or scare you enough that you make more fear choices and your life changes in that way, but ultimately you are still the one making choices, not them.

Processing is like a spring clean of the heart and mind

Processing is like a spring clean of the heart and mind

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